When Labels Become Cages (Day 26)

Labels feel like clarity, but often become cages.

I used to take pride in being the disciplined one. The coach. The high performer. These identities helped me show up, get results, and feel in control. But slowly, without realising it, they hardened into roles I couldn’t step out of. If I wasn’t disciplined, who was I? If I didn’t perform, what was I worth? What started as empowering became limiting. The labels I wore began wearing me.

What we cling to for certainty often costs us our freedom.

Most identities are inherited

We think that we are consciously choosing who we are moment to moment.

When in reality, the self you think you are, is usually an unconscious accumulation of your past behaviours. Shaped by early experiences, culture, feedback, survival strategies. Not a conscious creation, but a default pattern. Our early behaviours get reinforced, we get told what we are good at and what we are bad at, and we program that into how we show up for the rest of our lives. As we become adults, we choose our career path, choose a partner and choose where to live. We think we are now in control, when we are still just performing our roles. Different roles on the surface, but they give us the same internal pay off.

And because we’re rewarded for sticking to them, we rarely pause to ask who we are beyond them.

The more we perform them, the harder it becomes to see where the role ends and we begin.

Every role comes with a set of unspoken rules.

If I’m the coach, I can’t struggle. If I’m the strong one, I can’t break down. If I’m the calm one, I can’t feel anger. With every label comes a quiet script about how we’re supposed to act. And the moment we deviate, shame creeps in. We start performing instead of being. We start protecting the image instead of living the experience.

This is why so many high achievers feel trapped. The identity they once crafted for success now polices their every move. What starts as a strategy becomes a script. And it’s exhausting.

Over time, the role becomes more real than the person underneath.

The wisdom of becoming nobody

Ram Dass once said “We’re all so busy becoming somebody. But freedom begins when we become nobody.”

That line used to confuse me. Why would I want to become nobody? But over time, I began to understand. It wasn’t about disappearing, it was about letting go. Letting go of the tension to be seen a certain way. Letting go of the need to prove or perform.

In moments of stillness, I started to feel it. That quiet space underneath all the doing. I didn’t need to be anyone. And yet I felt more like myself than ever.

That’s the paradox: When you stop trying to be someone ,you finally meet yourself.

Presence isn't a performance

There’s a version of you that doesn’t need a label. It just is.

I remember one morning, walking through the rice fields in silence. No headphones. No goals. I wasn’t trying to be mindful or productive, I was just there. And in that moment, I felt enough.

There was no inner narrator. No mental checklist. No part to play.

And in that stillness, I met a deeper self. The one beneath the identity. The one that doesn’t need to hustle for worth.

That’s presence. Not something you do, something you return to.

Let go of playing your roles

You don’t need to become someone new, just loosen your grip on the roles you play.

Life is supposed to be fun. You’re allowed to be spontaneous, silly, and step outside the character you’ve been playing. I know for myself, I feel most alive when I’m fully in the moment and not trying to perform. When I have no concept of myself, no self consciousness and no agenda. I just surrender to the moment and let my actions arise.

Children do this without trying. But as adults, we forget. We trade play for pressure. Aliveness for approval. We start taking life too seriously, like there’s a version of us we need to uphold.

But who would you be if there was nothing to prove?

You don’t have to abandon your roles, just don’t lose yourself in them.

For me, I want to move through life with more freedom.

To be the coach when it's time to serve.

The creator when inspiration calls.

But also to be the curious one, the joker, the idiot at times — without explanation.

I want to remember what children never forget: That play is enough.

And I want to feel free in my own skin, without needing to live up to a title.

Adam