When Growth Becomes a Trap (Day 6)

Early in my personal growth journey, I learnt about the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

A fixed mindset says your potential is capped. You're either good at something or you're not — end of story.

But a growth mindset? That changed everything for me. It’s the belief that you can improve at almost anything through effort and persistence. That skills, traits, even identity — can be developed.

I discovered I had this mindset around the age of 11 when I joined my local athletics club. I trained three times a week and went from being an average runner to the best in my school, and eventually, one of the best in my region.

When people would say, “You’re a good runner,” I’d think, Well, you could be too if you trained for it.

That belief carried me through a lot — from running to poker, coaching, powerlifting, and now padel. I’ve applied the growth mindset to almost every chapter of my life, and I genuinely believe it’s the foundation for most of my success.

The Hidden Cost of Growth

But on my walk this morning, I started thinking about a potential downside. Something subtle, but important.

When you’re always in a state of becoming, it’s easy to forget how to be happy in the moment.

There’s a quote I once heard ,“A goal is a contract with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” I'm not sure if it was originally from Naval Ravikant, but it hit me.

Because I’ve lived that way. There’s often this quiet sense of dissatisfaction humming in the background — a feeling like you’re not good enough yet. Like you have to push and strive and prove something before you can finally rest.

And even when you do reach the goal… it’s never quite enough. You just move the target again.

Trying To Prove My Worth

Looking back, I can see this pattern so clearly.

With running, I wasn’t happy with where I was. I believed that placing well at national events would finally make it all feel worth it.

With poker, it showed up every time I moved up stakes — constantly feeling like I had to prove myself all over again.

With coaching, I battled imposter syndrome. I felt like I had to become an “expert” before I could relax.

With powerlifting, I obsessed over my numbers. I convinced myself I had to get ranked in the UK, and that who I was would somehow be more valid once I did.

On the surface, all of these are admirable pursuits. I looked like the poster boy for a growth mindset.

But under the surface, there was always a tension. Always something to prove. A quiet belief that the current version of me wasn’t quite worthy yet.

“Don’t judge me now, I’m still a work in progress. Wait until I hit X, then you’ll see.”

It sounds silly when you say it out loud. But I think that voice lives in a lot of us.

Is It Drive or Discomfort?

I’m sure many world-class athletes, creators, entrepreneurs — people who push themselves to the edge — are fuelled by this same drive.

And to be fair, it can be a powerful fuel source. Striving for something meaningful can bring deep joy and purpose.

But it can also become a trap.

If your self-worth is tied to being good at something — or getting good at something — then you’re always one step behind your own approval. You’re chasing a finish line that keeps moving.

So much of it comes down to where the striving is coming from.

Are you growing because you love the process? Because you’re curious, excited, engaged?

Or are you growing because you don’t feel like enough right now?

That line is blurry. And if you’re not careful, it’s easy to confuse healthy ambition with disguised insecurity.

When to Grow, When to Be

What I’m realising is that maybe the growth mindset shouldn’t be your default mode.

Maybe it’s more like a gear you can switch into — when it’s time to push, to build, to challenge yourself.

But it’s just as important to shift back into presence. To be okay with where you are. To let yourself rest, breathe, and be.

Because if you can only feel good about yourself when you’re progressing, achieving, or climbing, then you’ll never be content. You’ll always be running towards something.

And I’m not sure that’s a tradeoff I want to keep making.

At least not all the time.