The Power of Your Self-Concept

I’ve always found this line haunting.

Because when I look closely, I can see how true it is. We all carry around a picture of ourselves — a story about who we are, what we’re capable of, what we deserve. And over time, we begin to live inside that picture as if it were fact.

The scary part is how early this picture is drawn.

Often in childhood, through experiences we didn’t choose, words we overheard, or beliefs we picked up without questioning. We decide, I’m this kind of person… not that kind. And without noticing, that picture becomes the frame we live our lives inside.

One of our strongest drives as humans is to act in alignment with who we think we are.

To be congruent with our own self-image. Which means if the picture is distorted or limiting, our actions will be too. We shrink to fit the story. We mistake who we’ve been for who we must always be.

But what if that picture isn’t accurate? What if it no longer fits the life you want to live? Does that mean you’re trapped? Or can you redraw it? Can you choose a new picture, and step into it fully?

That’s what I want to explore with you here — the power of your self-concept, and how upgrading the picture you hold of yourself can change everything.

Trapped by Old Stories

Most of us don’t realise how much of our lives are dictated by old stories.

We assume we’re making free choices in the moment, but really, we’re acting out scripts written years ago.

Think about it. So much of who you are today comes from a picture you drew long before you had the awareness to question it:

• The habits you repeat every day. Not because they’re the best habits for you now, but because they fit the person you once decided you were.

• The way you respond to challenge. Do you back yourself and lean in, trusting you’ll grow from the experience? Or do you shy away, fearing failure or the uncomfortable feelings it might stir up? However you respond, it usually traces back to the picture you first created of yourself.

• The goals you chase, or avoid. You push toward certain futures because they match your picture, and ignore others because they don’t fit — even if they secretly excite you.

When you look closely, you start to see that your current life isn’t just a reflection of conscious choice. It’s a reflection of an old identity that keeps replaying itself.

I’ve also noticed how often I’ve limited myself by the picture I held of who I was allowed to be.

For years, I wanted to be seen and valued for what I had to say. I wanted to share my real thoughts, my deeper insights. Yet at the same time, the idea of actually putting myself out there felt terrifying.

Being seen meant being vulnerable.

It meant risking judgment, rejection, or even failure. And so I held back. I convinced myself I needed to wait until I was more polished, more credible, more ready. But underneath it all was a simple story I’d been carrying: if I show myself fully, people won’t accept me.

That story kept me playing small. It made me edit myself, soften my words, hide behind safer roles. Even when part of me knew I had more to give, the picture I carried wouldn’t allow it.

The Opportunity: Reimagining Yourself

Here’s the good news: your self-concept isn’t fixed.

The picture you hold of yourself isn’t carved in stone — it’s drawn in chalk. And if it was created once, it can be redrawn again.

This is where Iris Murdoch’s line comes back into focus: “We come to resemble the picture.” 

If that’s true, then the invitation is clear. If you don’t like the picture you’re living in, create a new one.

Maxwell Maltz, the author of Psycho-Cybernetics, saw this over and over in his work. He began as a plastic surgeon and noticed something strange: when people changed how they looked on the outside, their behaviour often changed too. A man who thought he was unattractive suddenly carried himself with confidence after a small surgery. A woman who had been shy and withdrawn began to speak more freely. What he realised was that it wasn’t the physical change itself that made the difference — it was the new picture they began to believe about themselves.

From there, Maltz dedicated his career to exploring how we could intentionally change our inner picture without surgery. He showed that through visualisation, mental rehearsal, and aligned action, people could reprogram their self-image and transform their lives.

And this matches what I’ve seen in my own journey, and in the thousands of poker players I’ve coached.

Again and again, the turning point wasn’t when someone learned a new strategy or had a big win. It was when they decided to see themselves differently. When they stopped carrying the old picture — the one that said I’m inconsistent, I’m not disciplined, I don’t have what it takes — and began to imagine themselves as someone capable of more.

That’s the real opportunity here.

To realise that self-concept is not a prison. It’s a mirror.

And if you change the image you’re holding, the reflection you live out begins to change too.

The Benefits of Upgrading Your Self-Concept

When you begin to upgrade the picture you hold of yourself, something subtle but powerful shifts.

Life doesn’t feel like you’re constantly swimming against the current.

You start to notice more ease, more possibility, more choice.

For me, it comes down to three things:

• Freedom. The moment you stop clinging to outdated labels, you feel lighter. You’re no longer boxed in by “I’m just not that type of person.” You begin to see that those old roles were never the full truth — just temporary chapters. Freedom is realising you don’t have to keep playing the same character forever.

• Growth. With a new picture comes a new horizon. Instead of circling inside the limits of your old self-image, you expand into what you’re capable of. You take on challenges you used to avoid. You back yourself in situations where you once froze. Growth feels less like a grind, and more like becoming who you always had the potential to be.

• Alignment. Perhaps the most important shift of all. When your self-concept matches your deepest values and aspirations, life feels congruent. There’s less inner conflict, less second-guessing. Your actions start to flow naturally because they’re rooted in a picture of yourself that feels true.

I’ve experienced all three of these in different seasons of my life.

Each time I’ve upgraded how I see myself — whether it was leaving poker to become a coach, or now stepping into the identity of a writer and storyteller — I’ve felt that same pattern.

The release of an old picture, the courage to draw a new one, and the alignment that comes when I begin to live it out.

That’s the promise of this work. You’re not just changing how you think about yourself. You’re changing how you experience life.

The Process: How to Upgrade Your Self-Concept

So how do you actually change the picture you’re living in?

It’s not about forcing yourself into a new identity overnight. It’s about moving through a series of small but powerful shifts — four steps that, repeated over time, begin to reshape how you see yourself and how you show up.

Here’s the path I’ve found most useful:

• Recognise your current picture

• Create a new picture (Identity 2.0)

• Embody that identity through daily action

• Reflect and adjust as you go

Let’s start with the first step.

Step 1: Recognise Your Current Picture

The first step is awareness. You can’t change the picture you’re living in until you see the one you’re carrying.

This means slowing down long enough to ask: What stories am I telling myself about who I am?

It sounds simple, but these stories are often so ingrained that we mistake them for facts. I’m not disciplined. I always quit. I’m not creative. I don’t belong in rooms like that. They don’t arrive as conscious choices — they run in the background like software that quietly shapes how you move through the world.

I’ve seen this most clearly in myself when it came to self-worth.

For years, my story was: My value comes from what I achieve. It started with running. If I trained hard and ran fast, I felt like I mattered. Later it was poker. If I was winning, I felt good enough. If I wasn’t, I felt small. Eventually it became coaching. If I helped someone else succeed, then I had earned the right to feel valuable.

Different roles. Same picture.

That story drove almost every decision I made. I didn’t notice it at the time, it just felt like who I was. But looking back, it’s clear. I wasn’t living freely. I was living inside an old picture that demanded constant proof.

Recognising your current picture doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means you’ve finally started to see the invisible frame you’ve been living in. And once you can see it, you have the power to redraw it.

Step 2: Create a New Picture (Identity 2.0)

Once you can see the picture you’ve been living in, the next step is to ask a simple but uncomfortable question: Who do I want to become?

This is where you move from unconscious stories to conscious creation.

Instead of being defined by the past, you begin to sketch a new self-image — what I often call your Identity 2.0.

It’s not about inventing a fake version of yourself. It’s about connecting with the part of you that’s already there, but buried under old layers of doubt, fear, or conditioning.

Visualisation can help here. Close your eyes and imagine the person you want to grow into. What do they believe about themselves? How do they act under pressure? What habits do they repeat daily without question? The clearer the picture, the easier it becomes to live into it.

I’ve done this at several turning points in my life.

One of the most powerful was when I decided to move beyond being “just a poker player.” For years my whole identity was wrapped around that role. But deep down, I knew there was another version of me waiting — someone who coached, who wrote, who shared ideas that could help people. At first it felt almost dishonest to imagine myself that way. But the more I pictured it, the more possible it became.

That’s the power of creating a new picture.

Once you see yourself differently, even if only in your imagination, you start to notice opportunities to live that way in real life. It doesn’t happen all at once. But each time you touch that vision, you strengthen the possibility of becoming it.

Step 3: Embody the New Identity Through Action

A new picture only becomes real when you start living it.

This is where so many people get stuck — they wait until they “feel” like the new identity before acting. But it works the other way around. Your actions teach your mind who you are.

Every small step you take that aligns with your new picture sends a signal: this is who I am now.

And the more often you repeat that signal, the stronger it becomes.

When I first decided I wanted to be a writer, I didn’t feel like one. I doubted whether I had anything worth saying. I questioned if I was credible enough, or if anyone would care. But instead of waiting for those doubts to disappear, I started small. Five hundred words a day. Most of it wasn’t good. Some of it never saw the light of day. But each time I sat down to write, something subtle happened — I felt a little more like a writer.

The same was true when I began coaching.

At the start, I still saw myself as a poker player dabbling in helping others. But every session I gave, every conversation where I showed up with presence, chipped away at that old picture and reinforced the new one. Slowly, the identity shifted.

That’s how embodiment works. You don’t need a grand transformation overnight. You need small, consistent actions that align with the picture you want to live into. Over time, those actions stack, and the old identity starts to fade into the background.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about repetition. Every act of alignment is a vote for your future self.

Step 4: Reflect and Adjust

No picture stays perfect the first time you draw it.

As you begin to live into a new identity, you’ll notice resistance. Doubts will creep in. Old stories will try to pull you back. That’s not failure — it’s part of the process.

This is why reflection matters. It gives you the space to pause, to ask: Am I living in alignment with the person I want to become?

For me, journaling has been the most powerful tool here. A simple weekly check-in where I ask:

• What actions this week reinforced my new picture?

• Where did I drift back into my old story?

• What small adjustment can I make to bring myself closer into alignment?

These reflections help you see progress you’d otherwise miss. They remind you that identity is built through repetition, not perfection. Even when you slip, the very act of noticing and adjusting keeps you on the path.

I’ve had many moments where I felt the pull of an old identity.

When I doubted whether I had anything worth sharing. When I wondered if I was really cut out to be a coach. In those moments, reflection kept me grounded. It reminded me that identity isn’t about never wavering, it’s about returning.

Upgrading your self-concept isn’t a straight line.

It’s a cycle of living, noticing, and adjusting. Each time you go through that cycle, the new picture becomes a little more real.

The Picture You Choose Next

Iris Murdoch was right: “Man is a creature who makes pictures of himself and then comes to resemble the picture.”

The truth is, you’re always carrying a picture of yourself.

The only question is whether it was drawn by old experiences you never chose, or by the vision of who you truly want to become.

For much of my life, I lived inside pictures that no longer fit. Pictures that kept me small, tied my worth to results, or made me afraid to be seen. And yet, the moment I realised those images weren’t fixed, everything began to open.

That’s the power of your self-concept. You get to stop unconsciously repeating the past and start intentionally creating the future. To redraw the picture. To step into your Identity 2.0.

So the next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just who I am,” pause for a moment. Ask yourself: Is that really true? Or is it just an old picture I’ve been carrying?

Because you are not trapped by the picture you’ve lived in until now.

You always have the power to create a new one.

Adam