Stop Negotiating With Yourself (Day 19)

We live in a world of near-limitless choice.

At any moment, there are a hundred different things we could do. But instead of feeling empowered by that freedom, we often feel overwhelmed. And when it’s time to follow through on something that matters — to go to the gym, to write, to meditate, to train — we hesitate. We weigh up our options, check how we feel or decide if we have time.

And slowly, almost invisibly, we start negotiating our way out of the very things we said we wanted.

The Daily Battle

You go to bed with a plan.

Tomorrow's the day you're going to get after it. You're going to meditate, hit the gym, eat clean, and make real progress toward your goals.

Then your alarm goes when you're still in deep sleep. You're a little tired. The bed’s warm. So you tell yourself five more minutes — then maybe skip meditation and make up for it tomorrow.

Later, you feel sluggish after lunch, so the gym gets pushed back. Then it gets skipped altogether. For dinner you are feeling a bit rushed, so you opt for something quick. You order your favourite takeaway which you've told yourself "isn't that unhealthy".

The day ends, and you’re left with that familiar frustration: Why didn't I stick to what I said I was going to do?

We all do this to some degree. We get caught in these micro-negotiations with ourselves — little internal debates that chip away at our intentions.

And it’s not because we’re lazy, it’s because we haven’t made the decision non-negotiable.

Every time something is up for debate, we’re draining energy deciding what to do — instead of just doing it.

Why We Default to the Easy Option

So why do we keep defaulting to the path of least resistance — even when we know it’s not what we really want?

There are a few mental shortcuts (or defaults) that run in the background.

These aren’t flaws, they’re survival mechanisms.

But if we don’t become aware of them, they quietly guide us toward comfort and away from growth.

1. The Comfort Default

Our brain is designed to conserve energy.

It constantly scans for the easiest option — and gently nudges us in that direction.

• Lying on the couch uses less energy than going to the gym.

• Ordering takeaway is easier than cooking.

• Skipping the task is easier than facing resistance.

This is the comfort default.

It whispers: Just take it easy.

And unless we’ve already decided otherwise, we tend to listen.

2. The Emotion Default

We follow feelings more than logic.

Even if we know what the right move is, how we feel often overrides that knowing.

• If I feel tired, I’ll tell myself the gym won’t be effective anyway.

• If I feel anxious, I’ll scroll instead of journaling.

• If I feel bored, I’ll look for distraction — not focus.

This emotional default makes us reactive.

Our behaviour becomes a reflection of our current mood, not our long-term goals.

3. The Reward Default

Our brains love quick wins.

We're wired to chase short-term pleasure and avoid discomfort, even when it comes at the cost of long-term goals.

• You reach for sugar when you’re stressed, even though you’re trying to eat clean.

• You avoid difficult conversations, even though resolving them would bring peace.

• You skip the gym and watch Netflix instead, even though you’ve committed to getting in shape.

That small hit of instant gratification often overrides what you know is better for you — unless you’ve already made the decision in advance.

4. The Overwhelm Default

Having too many choices might seem like a good problem to have, but often, it stops us from acting at all.

• You want to go to the gym, but waste time deciding which workout to follow, so you don’t go.

• You plan to read, but spend 15 minutes skimming titles and end up scrolling instead.

• You want to eat healthy, but don’t know what to make with what’s in the fridge, so you order takeout.

When everything’s on the table, it’s easy to do nothing.

The longer you hesitate, the more likely you are to default to convenience — or distraction.

The Power of Non-Negotiable Behaviours

This is where non-negotiables come in.

They remove the debate and they reduce the friction between knowing what to do and actually doing it. When something is non-negotiable, it doesn’t matter how I feel. It doesn’t matter what options are available as the decision has already been made.

For me, a few non-negotiables have changed everything:

• I meditate every morning — even if it’s short, even if I’m rushed.

• I go for a walk every day — rain or shine, even just 15 minutes to reset.

• I lift weights four times per week — no excuses, that’s my physical baseline.

• I journal or write a blog six mornings a week — it’s how I think, reflect, and stay grounded.

These habits aren’t up for debate. They’re just part of who I am.

I don’t check if I’m in the mood or wait to feel inspired.

I do them because they’re what I do.

And the best part? Once a behaviour becomes non-negotiable, it actually gets easier. There’s no internal back-and-forth and no wasted energy.

Just action.

Why People Struggle With This

Most people struggle with discipline not because they lack willpower — but because they leave too much room for negotiation.

They treat important behaviours like suggestions. They plan to do something, but then they wait to feel ready or motivated before they get round to it.

Yet relying on motivation or how you feel in the moment doesn't work.

Some days, motivation will be high and you’ll stay on track. But on others, you’ll feel low energy and start making excuses — and that inconsistency will keep repeating.

That’s why non-negotiable behaviours are so powerful.

They aren’t a form of restriction. They’re a form of freedom.

• They free you from the exhausting back and forth.

• They free you from your worst instincts.

• They free you to let your values — not your moods — guide your actions.

How to Create Your Non-Negotiable Behaviours

So where do you start?

Pick 1 core behaviour that will move your life forward.

Start with a very easy version of this habit that you can see yourself being able to do even on a bad day.

For example:

• You commit to meditating at least 2 minutes each day first thing after waking.

• You commit to reading at least 5 pages of a book before bed.

• You commit to at least 10 minutes of exercise, even if it's just a walk, each day.

If you're someone who struggles with forming habits, I'd highly recommend reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Then comes the magical part.

You simply decide: “This is what I do now. Period.”

The key is to make it so clear, and so locked-in that there’s no wiggle room.

If you’re tired — you still do it.

If you’re busy — you still do it.

If it’s a bad day — you still do it.

Because that’s the difference between a plan and a non-negotiable.

Plans change, non-negotiables don’t.

Getting In Reps

From here, it's a simple game of getting in reps.

You need to prove to yourself over and over again that you can decide on something and stick to it.

That you are capable of making a firm commitment that you won't negotiate with yourself on.

At first it will require some effort, some discipline even.

But over time it will get easier and easier.

Until it becomes not something you do, but who you are.

You can then use progressive overload to scale up the habit.

Or you can pick a new non-negotiable to add to your life.

It really is this simple.

Don't let your mind tell you otherwise.

Final Reflection

In a world of infinite options, choosing just one thing can feel limiting.

But in practice, it’s freeing.

Non-negotiable behaviours remove the weight of constant decision-making.

They keep you grounded when emotions rise, when energy dips, when life gets noisy.

They stop you from negotiating with your lower self — and give your higher self a fighting chance.

So what’s one thing you’ve been negotiating for too long?

Commit to making it non-negotiable and watch what happens.

Adam