It’s Not the Situation, It’s the Frame (Day 25)

Everything is seen through a frame.

This thought struck me during my morning walk today.

I was walking my dog at around 6am, it was still quite dark with the early morning light starting to break through. As she was sniffing the edge of a rice field , I heard footsteps behind me. I don't usually see anyone at this time, and this person was almost right on top of me. My body tensed and my mind flashed to danger. I turned quickly, ready to react.

It was just a local worker, smiling gently as he passed. That was it. The moment was over in seconds. But the thought stayed with me. Because in that split-second, my mind had told a story. It had framed the situation as threat. And if I hadn’t noticed, I would’ve kept carrying that tension, without ever questioning why.

It got me reflecting: that nothing is how it appears.

We never see things as they are. We see them through a lens, a one that misses more than it captures. A mental filter shaped by memory, mood, and meaning.

These frames shape how we feel and how we interpret the world.

And most of the time, we don’t even realise we’re inside one.

The Default Frame

The frame we’re most often stuck in is zoomed-in and personal.

We see situations through the narrow lens of how it affects me right now. We make everything about us — our plans, our image, our comfort. And we judge it based on whether it feels good or bad in the short term.

That might have helped when we were scanning the savannah for lions. But in modern life, it creates more stress than safety. It makes small problems feel urgent. It makes neutral moments feel threatening. It turns the mind into a crisis machine.

We aren’t living in a survival environment anymore, yet the mind still frames things like we are.

We default to a zoomed in personal lens that makes us very reactive. Someone critiques your work, and it feels like a judgment of you. Your focus drifts for an hour, and you spiral into shame about your discipline. Your new project gets no traction, and you question if you’re even on the right path. You feel low energy one morning, and you feel like you are failing on your goals.

Each one reveals the frame of:

• “It’s about me.”

• “This moment defines my worth.”

• “If I’m not progressing, I’m failing.”

It’s not the situation, it’s the frame and how closely we tie everything to our identity in the moment.

That’s the trap.

When you only see through this lens, life becomes a series of personal problems.

And it blinds us to what really matters.

The Breakthrough Insight

Here’s the shift that changes everything:

You’re not reacting to reality, you’re reacting to your interpretation of it.

What feels like truth is often just a well-rehearsed story. One your mind has told so many times, it no longer needs evidence. A glance becomes rejection. A delay becomes failure. A dip in motivation becomes identity collapse. But none of that exists outside the frame you’re seeing through.

And once you see the frame, you create space from it.

That’s why self-awareness is everything.

You don’t need to fix the moment, you just need to recognise the lens.

Because when you notice the lens, you loosen its grip. You don’t immediately buy into the panic or the shame. You stop reacting impulsively, to step back and go, “Wait, is this the only way to see this?”

You now have an opportunity to switch the lens.

That crack in awareness is everything. It turns reactivity into reflection.

And it opens the door to freedom.

The Resistance

But just because you can switch the lens, doesn’t mean you will.

There’s a reason we stay stuck in faulty frames. They feel familiar. They feel safe. And at some point, they served us.

The story that says “I have to prove myself” might be exhausting, but it’s also the story that built your career.

The frame of “If I’m not achieving, I’m falling behind” might create pressure, but it also helped you to become successful.

Letting go of that lens feels like letting go of a part of you.

And that’s the resistance.

We don’t just fear being wrong, we fear being no one without the frame we’ve built ourselves around.

That’s why change is so hard. Not because the new frame is complicated. But because the old one is woven into our identity.

You don’t realise you’re in a frame, and even when you do, part of you doesn’t want to leave it. Because who are you if you stop trying to impress? Who are you if you stop carrying shame as motivation? Who are you if you see life differently?

That’s the paradox: the frame keeps you stuck, but it also feels like you.

And the only way to loosen it is to stay curious. To notice when the same old story is playing out.

And to remember every frame is just one way of seeing.

Not the only way.

The Practice of Reframing

The goal isn’t to never fall into a faulty frame, that’s impossible.

There will be times when you take things personally. When you get attached to short term results or you judge a moment as if it's happening to you.

That’s not failure. That’s the practice.

Think of reframing as a muscle that you build. A way of seeing, and the more you train it, the quicker you catch the lens before it takes over.

So what does that practice look like?

Step 1: Catch the frame.

Ask yourself: “What story am I telling myself right now?”

Just naming it: “I think I’m behind,” or “I feel like this means I’m not good enough”, creates a gap between you and the narrative.

And that gap is the beginning of choice.

Step 2: Zoom out.

Ask: “How will this matter in 5 years?” Or “If this was happening to a friend, what would I say?”

Time and distance soften emotion.

They help you see beyond the drama of the moment.

Step 3: Depersonalise

It's happening, but it’s not about you.

That project delay, that unproductive day, that piece of harsh feedback — it’s part of the unfolding events, not a verdict on your worth.

Drop the personal story.

Step 4: Try a new mental model.

Sometimes you don’t need a new story, you just need a better lens.

Here are some powerful lens I find useful for a wide range of situations, give them a try:

• Systems Thinking: What else is contributing to this?

• First Principles: What do I actually know is true?

• Probabilistic Thinking: What’s the true likelihood of each outcome happening?

• Opportunity Cost: What’s the cost of staying in this mindset?

Each model gives you a fresh angle. A new way to make sense of what’s happening without being consumed by it.

Step 5: Repeat.

You don’t become a master at this in a day or a long weekend.

You build your mental toolkit by using it again and again. By noticing when the old frame kicks in — when you are reacting, being impulsive or taking things personally — and by pausing to see if there is a more helpful frame to use.

You don’t need to win every inner battle.

You just need to stay in the game.

Final Reflection

The mind is a framing machine.

It will keep generating interpretations, stories, and meanings all day long. That’s not the problem, the problem is when you believe the first frame you see. When you let a single lens define your truth.

But every situation can be seen a thousand ways.

And some of those ways will open you up. Some will bring peace. Some will move you forward.

You don’t need to find the perfect frame. You just need to find one that’s more useful than the one you’re stuck in.

So here’s the reflection to sit with:

What frame are you looking through right now?

And is there a more useful frame for the situation?

You’ll often find there is.

Adam