10 Days of Silence: Why I Did It and What I Learned About Vipassana

In my last post, The Hardest 10 Days of My Life: My Vipassana Journey, I shared the raw reality of my Vipassana retreat — the struggle, the breakthroughs, and the challenge of sitting in complete silence for 10 days.

But what I didn’t dive into was why I did it and what Vipassana actually is.

Why would anyone willingly give up talking, reading, and all distractions to sit in meditation for over 100 hours? And what makes Vipassana different from other meditation techniques?

For me, it wasn’t just about trying something new. I reached a point where external success — money, freedom, health — wasn’t enough. I felt lost, directionless, and disconnected from something deeper.

And maybe if you’re here, some part of you feels that too.

That search led me to Vipassana, an ancient meditation technique designed to cultivate deep awareness and inner peace.

But unlike guided meditation apps or mindfulness practices, Vipassana goes straight to the root of suffering — training the mind to observe reality without reacting to it.

In this post, I’ll share why I was drawn to this practice, how Vipassana works, and what the 10-day retreat experience is really like — from the strict rules to the life-changing insights it provides.

Feeling Lost, Despite Having It All

A few months ago, I hit a wall. I had just reached a major financial goal — one I thought would finally bring me peace of mind — but instead, it left me feeling empty.

I started questioning everything.

What am I doing with my life?

Does any of this really matter?

It felt like I had been chasing all the things that were supposed to make me happy, only to realise they were pulling me further away from myself.

From the outside, my life looked perfect.

I was living in Bali, surrounded by amazing people, in the best shape of my life, and completely free to spend my time however I wanted.

Yet I felt numb. Stuck in a loop of striving for more but never feeling satisfied. No matter how much I achieved, that nagging emptiness remained.

Up until then, I had always had a clear goal — whether it was excelling in sports, advancing my career, or securing my financial future. But suddenly, for the first time, I had no idea what was next.

I was drifting without a purpose. I tried to push through it, distracting myself with new projects and setting new goals — anything to keep moving. But the more I tried to fill the void, the more disconnected I felt.

Everyone around me seemed to be moving towards what they wanted in life — getting married, buying homes, starting families — while I felt lost.

Life felt loud, overwhelming, and directionless. I was constantly bouncing from one thing to the next, chasing excitement or progress yet never feeling present.

When I finally stopped to acknowledge what I was feeling, I realised I had no idea how to sit with it. So I did what most of us do — I distracted myself.

Scrolling social media, reading sports news, filling my time with anything that could pull me out of it, even for a moment. But nothing worked.

Something had to change.

I needed silence. Stillness. A space to finally confront what was underneath it all.

Discovering Vipassana

That’s when I came across Vipassana, a 10 day silent meditation retreat. No talking, no phones, no reading — just me, my mind, and complete stillness.

It felt extreme, almost unthinkable.

When I told my fiancé about it, she thought I had lost my mind. That I was having some sort of midlife crisis.

Maybe I was.

But something about it felt necessary — like a challenge I needed to take on.

Not for the sake of achievement, but to finally stop running from myself.

I had been meditating for years, but Vipassana is very different. It isn’t about relaxation or controlling the breath. It's a method designed to completely rewire how you experience life — to break free from the patterns of craving and resistance that cause suffering.

I read articles about people who had done it before, and they described it as one of the hardest things they had ever experienced — but also one of the most life-changing.

That was enough for me.

So I went. And in that silence, something shifted.

Before I explain what happened, let’s start with the basics — what exactly is Vipassana, and why is it so different from other forms of meditation?

What Is Vipassana?

Vipassana is one of the oldest meditation techniques in the world, discovered over 2,500 years ago by Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha. The word Vipassana means “clear seeing” or “insight.” At its core, it’s a method of training the mind to observe reality as it is — without judgment, resistance, or attachment.

Unlike many other forms of meditation, Vipassana isn’t about relaxation or stress relief. It’s not about repeating mantras, controlling the breath, or reaching a mystical state.

Instead, it’s about deep observation — watching the constant flow of sensations in the body and seeing how the mind reacts to them.

The philosophy is simple: everything in life is impermanent. Pain, pleasure, emotions, thoughts — they all arise and pass away. We suffer because we cling to the good and resist the bad.

Vipassana teaches you to observe everything without reacting, breaking free from the patterns of craving and aversion that dominate our lives.

Now Vipassana isn’t something you can casually practice for a few minutes a day and expect transformation. This is why traditional Vipassana courses are structured as 10 day silent retreats. The structure is designed to create the ideal conditions for deep inner work. Let me explain how it works.

The Structure of a Vipassana Retreat

From the moment you arrive at the retreat, you hand over your phone, books and any other stimulus you have brought with you. You commit to following a strict rule of Noble Silence — no talking, no eye contact, no gestures — for the full 10 days.

The goal is total isolation from external stimulation so you’re left with nothing but your own mind.

At first, this silence feels uncomfortable. We’re so used to filling every moment with conversation or distraction. But in Vipassana, there’s no escape — just the experience of your thoughts and sensations.

However, it’s not just the silence that challenges you; it's also the structure of the days themselves. Each day is meticulously planned to immerse you in the practice, pushing you to your limit — physically and mentally.

The Schedule

The daily schedule is intense. You wake up at 4:00 AM and meditate for over ten hours each day. Here’s a rough breakdown:

• 4:00 AM: Wake-up bell

• 4:30 - 6:30 AM: Morning meditation

• 6:30 - 8:00 AM: Breakfast and rest

• 8:00 - 11:00 AM: Meditation sessions

• 11:00 - 1:00 PM: Lunch and rest

• 1:00 - 5:00 PM: Meditation sessions

• 5:00 - 6:00 PM: Light meal

• 6:00 - 9:00 PM: Evening meditation and discourse

• 9:00 PM: Lights out

This cycle repeats every day. There’s no exercise, no journaling — just meditating, eating, and sleeping.

My Experience of Each Stage

The meditation itself is taught in a structured progression over the ten days. Each stage builds upon the last, training your mind to go deeper into self-awareness.

Going into the retreat, I didn’t fully grasp how mentally and physically intense this experience would be. Each stage of the meditation practice brought up new challenges, and ultimately, insights that I want to share with you.

Days 1-3: Focus & Attention Training

The first three days were all about building concentration by focusing on the breath — nothing more, nothing less. We were instructed to pay attention to the subtle sensation of the breath entering and exiting the nostrils.

It sounded easy enough, but in practice, it was anything but.

My mind was all over the place. Random thoughts about the past and future constantly interrupted my focus.

At first, I was frustrated. Why can’t I control my thoughts? Why is my mind so restless? But that’s the point of this stage. You begin to notice just how chaotic and undisciplined the mind is.

The physical discomfort was even more intense. Sitting for hours without moving left me with sharp pain in my back, legs, and hips. Every session felt like a mental marathon, and by day 2 I didn't know how I was going to make it though.

But slowly, I learned to bring my attention back to the breath each time my mind wandered. Little by little, I began to sharpen my focus.

By day 3, I noticed a shift. My mind was still restless, but I was becoming more aware of the moment it wandered — and better at bringing it back without judgment.

The physical pain was just as intense, but I could now observe it for longer without trying to push it away. This stage prepared me for the deeper work to come.

Days 4-9: Vipassana Meditation

On day 4, we learned the core Vipassana technique: body scanning. We moved our attention from the top of the head to the toes, observing sensations without reacting. Pain, tingling, numbness — everything was fair game.

I quickly discovered that my mind had strong reactions to different sensations. Painful sensations would trigger aversion and the urge to move or escape.

I could see my mind resisting the physical pain I was experiencing and wanting it to go away. But in Vipassana, we’re taught to remain equanimous — calm and balanced — no matter what we feel.

Everything is impermanent, and if you observe without reacting, the sensations eventually fade away.

This stage was incredibly difficult for me. The pain in my body became almost unbearable during some sessions.

All I could do was sit with it, no matter how uncomfortable it got.

But the real challenge wasn’t just the physical discomfort — it was the emotions rising to the surface.

By Day 6, it was like something cracked open. Waves of guilt, shame, sadness, and regret came flooding in, like a dam had burst inside me.

It wasn’t one single memory or event — just an overwhelming sense of carrying something heavy for far too long. In everyday life, I would have distracted myself, numbed it, or rationalised it away.

But here, in complete silence, there was nowhere to run. I had no choice but to sit with it, fully exposed to everything I had spent years pushing down.

The hardest part wasn’t just enduring the pain — it was not knowing if there was a point to it. There were moments where I questioned everything.

Why am I doing this?

What am I trying to prove?

It felt like suffering for no reason. But somehow, despite the doubts, I kept going.

Then, something shifted. It wasn’t a single moment or dramatic revelation. More a gradual realisation that kept growing stronger.

I started to see the patterns.

Pain would build to unbearable levels, and just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, it would fade.

Emotions would rise like a storm, then dissolve into nothing. Every moment of discomfort felt permanent — until it wasn’t.

I had read about impermanence before, but this was the first time I truly felt it. Suffering wasn’t just about the pain itself, it was about my resistance to it.

The more I fought, the worse it became. But when I stopped resisting — when I simply observed without reacting — the suffering loosened its grip.

That was the breakthrough.

I remember sitting there, body still aching, but a small smile creeping onto my face. This is the lesson. Pain, discomfort, difficult emotions — they all follow the same law. They arise, they peak, and they pass.

They only hold power over you if you cling to them or try to push them away. But when you accept them fully, without resistance, you find freedom.

Day 10: Metta Meditation

On day 10, we were finally allowed to break Noble Silence and speak with each other. At first, it was exhilarating. Everyone shared their stories and struggles from the past ten days — I realised that I wasn't the only one who suffered.

But after a few hours, I felt overstimulated and emotionally drained. It was strange to go from complete stillness to sudden social interaction. And at this stage it was a bit too much for me.

That evening, we were introduced to Metta meditation, a practice of cultivating loving-kindness. We were guided to generate feelings of compassion and goodwill— first toward ourselves, then toward others.

This felt like a natural way to close the retreat. After spending so much time confronting my own pain, I was filled with a sense of empathy for the suffering of others.

This stage reminded me that meditation isn’t just about personal transformation. It’s also about how we show up in the world — how we treat others with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

The Core Teachings and How They Changed Me

Walking out of the retreat centre on Day 11, I knew I had changed, but I didn’t yet realise how much these lessons would show up in everyday life.

5 weeks on from the retreat, I have noticed the patterns of craving, resistance, and impermanence playing out in ways I’d never seen before. Vipassana has given me a set of tools I didn't even realise I was missing.

I want to share with you how the 4 biggest insights I had on the retreat have impacted my daily life.

1.The Trap of Craving and Aversion

Before Vipassana, I never fully realised how much of my life was dictated by craving and aversion. I was constantly chasing things that I thought would make me happy — achievements, excitement, external validation — while avoiding things that made me uncomfortable. The cycle was endless.

During the retreat, I saw this pattern play out in real-time.

If I felt a pleasant sensation during meditation, my mind latched onto it, hoping it wouldn’t go away.

If I felt pain, I wanted to shift, fidget, or escape. The same thing happened with emotions. The moment sadness, frustration, or boredom arose, my instinct was to resist or suppress them.

Now, I notice this in my everyday life. Take social media — before, I’d grab my phone whenever I felt even a moment of boredom or discomfort, craving some quick dopamine hit.

Now, I catch myself reaching for my phone and pause to ask: What am I avoiding right now? 

More often than not, the answer has nothing to do with my phone. It’s just restlessness, and when I sit with it instead of distracting myself, it eventually passes on its own.

This awareness has been one of the biggest shifts since the retreat. I still experience cravings and aversions, but I’m no longer blindly controlled by them.

2.Equanimity in Real Life

Equanimity — staying calm and balanced no matter what’s happening — was one of the hardest lessons to internalise.

At first, it felt impossible. When the pain in my back was unbearable or the emotions overwhelming, I wanted to escape. But through practice, I learned to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it.

Since returning, I’ve noticed how my mind tries to “fix” discomfort the moment it appears.

If I feel low energy, my mind tells me I need another coffee.

If I feel restless, it suggests I should be productive and find something to do.

If I feel agitated, it urges me to get stimulation — a podcast, book, music — anything to distract myself.

But now, instead of immediately reacting, I pause. I recognise the discomfort, feel where it shows up in my body, and just sit with it. More often than not, I don’t need to “fix” anything — the feeling passes on its own.

This shift has made me more present. I no longer rush to escape discomfort the moment it arises. Instead, I let it be. And in doing so, I’ve realised I don’t need to control how I'm feeling in every moment — I just need to observe it.

3.Everything is Impermanent — A Daily Reminder

One of the most profound truths of Vipassana is also one of the simplest: everything is impermanent. Pain, pleasure, emotions, thoughts — everything arises and passes away.

I experienced this firsthand in the retreat when I sat with physical pain and saw it dissolve the moment I stopped resisting it. But the real test has been applying this in my daily life.

A few weeks after the retreat, I found myself feeling incredibly anxious about a work deadline. Ironically, it was about starting to write this blog and creating my new website. Before Vipassana, I would have immediately forced myself to push forward — anything to feel like I was making progress.

But this time, I simply sat with the anxiety. I felt it in my chest, noticed how it pulsed through my body, and reminded myself: this too will pass. And it did. Without me having to fight it.

When the feeling subsided, I felt calm, in a clear state of mind and I got started on my first blog post without any resistance.

This small shift has changed everything. I still experience highs and lows, but I no longer cling to the highs or resist the lows. I simply watch them come and go.

4.The Body as a Gateway to the Mind

One of the biggest surprises from Vipassana was realising just how much of my subconscious is stored in my body. Every suppressed emotion, every unresolved experience, leaves an imprint — not as thoughts, but as physical sensations.

A few days after the retreat, I woke up feeling off — agitated but with no clear reason why. Instead of trying to think my way out of it, I did something different.

I closed my eyes, checked in with my body, and felt a tightness in my chest.

As I sat with it, memories surfaced — an old fear of failure, a lingering sense of unworthiness. It was in my body long before my mind caught up.

That’s when I truly understood: the body doesn’t lie, and if you listen, it will show you everything you need to know.

Since the retreat, I’ve become more attuned to this connection. When I feel anxious or overwhelmed, I don’t try to mentally analyse my way out of it. I check in with my body.

Where am I holding tension?

What do I feel in my body?

More often than not, simply bringing awareness to the sensation is enough to release it.

One of my favourite teachers, Michael Singer, says that all problems are caused by the mind. I knew this on an intellectual level, but now I understand this truth more deeply.

Vipassana has shown me that not everything needs to be figured out by the mind.

Often, the body holds the answer. You just have to listen.

Final Reflections

Vipassana has fundamentally changed how I live. I’m more present, more compassionate towards myself and others, and more aware of life's impermanence

This isn’t to say I have it all figured out. There are still moments when I get caught up in old patterns — when I react or distract myself. But now, I have the tools to catch myself and reset.

Life still has its challenges, but I’m facing them from a place of greater peace and clarity.

If there’s one takeaway I want to leave you with, it’s this.

Everything you’re looking for, all the answers and clarity you seek, are already within you.

Sometimes, you just need to be still enough to hear them.

P.S. If you want to find out more about Vipassana and if they have retreats in your area, go here: https://www.dhamma.org/

Adam